Grieving In Malaysia Is Harder Than You Think
Mourning in a multicultural country shows the unique ways families honour their departed.


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In Malaysia’s rich tapestry of cultures, grief manifests in diverse and deeply rooted ways.
Among the many communities here, mourning customs play an essential role in honouring the departed, offering solace to families, and guiding them through their most vulnerable moments.
Yet, in a world that rarely slows down, these age-old traditions face an evolving landscape of challenges.
Tradition as a Framework for Healing
For many, rituals surrounding mourning serve as a vital framework to navigate the complexities of loss.
Malaysian Chinese families, for instance, observe a year-long mourning period steeped in symbolism and restraint. During this time, celebrations like weddings are postponed, the wearing of red (a colour symbolising joy) is avoided, and festivals such as Chinese New Year are observed with subdued reflection.
Most significantly, families are expected to preserve the deceased’s personal spaces and belongings during this time. This practice isn’t merely about maintaining physical items, but it’s more so about providing a space for proper grieving and honouring the departed’s presence in the family’s life.
In Malay-Muslim culture, tahlil prayers are held, often over several days or even weeks, to seek blessings for the deceased.
Hindu families mark their loss through rituals like the Shraddha ceremony, where offerings are made to ensure the soul’s peaceful journey.
These practices, though distinct, share a common thread: they provide structure, allowing families to grieve while fostering communal support.
The Challenges of Modern Life
In today’s fast-paced world, the time and space needed to grieve often feel like luxuries. Work commitments, financial pressures, and urban living can all interfere with the ability to fully observe mourning customs.
Some may struggle to reconcile these traditions with modern realities, leading to difficult decisions about what to preserve and what to adapt.
Moreover, in Malaysia’s increasingly multicultural society, families with mixed traditions may face additional challenges.
A Chinese-Malay family, for example, might balance the symbolic importance of a 49-day mourning period with Islamic practices, blending elements of both traditions in a way that honours their shared heritage.
When Traditions Are Tested
Modernisation also brings moments when longstanding customs come under threat. Preserving physical spaces—like a loved one’s room or a small memorial garden—may clash with urban demands or financial constraints.
Yet, for grieving families, these spaces often hold immeasurable value. They represent continuity, connection, and a tangible reminder of the person they’ve lost.
In a multicultural society like ours, empathy becomes essential. Understanding and respecting diverse mourning practices can help communities navigate these sensitive moments, particularly when the grief of one family intersects with the needs or realities of others.
The Weight of Disrupted Traditions
In my case, this sacred period of mourning has been unexpectedly challenged. My late grandfather’s garden, lovingly tended for years, now faces removal due to a supposed change in property ownership.
Barely 49 days after his passing—when we should still be in the midst of our most intensive mourning—we’re being asked to uproot the last physical connection to him.
While the first 49 days (七七斋) mark an intensive period of prayer and remembrance, the customs and obligations extend far beyond this initial phase.
This garden is where his love still grows. To lose it now, especially during a time meant for quiet remembrance, feels like being forced to say goodbye all over again.
READ MORE: What My Grandfather’s Journey Taught Me About Love, Life, and Letting Go
A Universal Need for Mourning
Despite the diversity in customs, one truth remains universal: mourning is essential. It’s about keeping a loved one’s memory alive and allowing the living to heal. Traditions, whether simple or elaborate, act as a bridge between the past and the future, anchoring families as they navigate their loss.
In a world that often pushes us to “move on” quickly, these customs remind us of the importance of pause. They grant us permission to grieve, reflect, and eventually find strength in the memories of those we’ve lost.
The question is not whether traditions will change—change is inevitable. The question is how we can adapt while still preserving their essence.
For some families, this might mean condensing rituals into shorter, more manageable timeframes. For others, it could involve finding creative ways to integrate customs into their busy lives, such as hosting virtual prayer gatherings or tending to symbolic spaces in smaller ways.
Ultimately, what matters is not the form these traditions take but the heart behind them. Whether through a quiet moment of remembrance, a small offering, or a shared story, these customs remind us of our shared humanity in the face of loss.
Grief transcends culture, time, and circumstance. In honouring mourning traditions—whether our own or those of others—we create a society that values empathy, connection, and the sacred process of healing.
Preserving not just the practices of grief but also the space and time they require is essential, as they are as integral to life as love itself.
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