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The No-Nonsense Way To Be A Malaysian Influenzer [SATIRE]

The No-Nonsense Way To Be A Malaysian Influenzer [SATIRE]

Influenzers rose to prominence recently, promising viral content on their platforms that will reach the masses. And we’ve seen these influenzers become overnight sensations in their own right.

So if you’ve ever wondered how exactly to become an influenzer yourself and start living an influential life, we’ve got you covered.

1. Always go for viral content

Virality sticks. And these days, nothing is more viral than the novel Wuhan coronavirus (known in medical circles as 2019 nCoV). So get yourself a good dose and wait for it to set in.

2. Spread awareness

Now that you’ve gotten your viral content, you need to market it far and wide. This is when you should be most active on all your social media platforms.

It doesn’t matter if the news is fake, as long as it’s sensational. It’s even better if you could find a viral content that feeds into the audience’s existing set of biases, such as a muted tourism video of bat fruit soup that claimed to be from Wuhan that perfectly fits your audience’s narrative of Chinese people who eat everything.

We’re not knocking it, we’re just saying no one cooks chicken soup without at least skinning the bird.

3. Have a call to action

Your audience is riled up and agitated. This is the best time to get them to do something to put their support behind your cause.

You could even start a petition calling for the banning of Chinese tourists into the country with a sweeping statement that “the new virus is widely spread throughout the world because of [the Chinese’s] unhygienic lifestyle”, despite little fact that the coronavirus started due to eating habits at Wuhan market.

4. Keep the interest alive

Ramp up your efforts to go into full panic mode. Cough loudly on people. Conspicuously sanitize everything you touch with hand-sanitizer. Loudly stage-whisper “Wuhan virus!” at everyone who sniffles. Scream at Chinese people, even if they have never stepped foot in China.

(Credit: Freepik)

5. Profit

Everyone is properly afraid, panicking, and desperate. Now, go forth and sell your overpriced face masks that you’ve hoarded since the Ebola scare.

Congratulations, you’re now an influenzer!

This article is satire and we certainly do not want anyone to profit from a very serious case of coronavirus. Please stay indoors, keep your masks on, and limit contact with large crowds of people. Share your thoughts with us on our Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!

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