Much like everything else in our lives, beds tell a story of us. Where and how do you spend a third of your lifetime? We rate it for you.
Mattress on the floor
You either just moved houses, are a broke college student, or a Neanderthal. If this is a permanent solution to your bedroom, you may want to reconsider your priorities in life. Or stop living in your nenek‘s living room.
You are probably 65 years old and suffering from back pain. You are also very into traditional remedies, homemade cough syrups, and Tiger balm. It also constantly smells like your amah.
The bed is probably older than you. Someone (probably your abang long) stole it from a UiTM hostel. Bonus points if the bed sheets are super frilly.
Omedeto, you’ve lived out your pretentious weeb dreams. Do you narrate your life in anime soundtracks as well? It’s about time to clear out that stack of Doraemon, Dragon Ball, and Sailor Moon comics in the corner of the room.
Raised bed frame with under-bed space
Your life has no flaws: proper, professional, placid. Like your bed, you probably hide terrifying monsters deep under the starch-white mattress. Or you just watch too much sinetron soap operas and think everyone has a room like this.
Raised bed frame with no under-bed space
You suffer from constant bruises near your shin and toes, but get good sleep from the significant lack of monsters under your bed. In reality, you probably just live in Cheras or Damansara and IKEA does free delivery.
Rating: 1/5 but 7/5 fun points
You live with other people and have no sense of privacy. You’re probably also single. If your relatives keep asking you why you don’t have a boy/girlfriend yet, tell them it’s because you still sleep in a bunk bed. How to get gf liddat?
You are a constant visitor in your own life. Do you have drive or ambition? You wouldn’t know. Stop trying to be part of the Red People influencer gang or Insta-femes. Your parents are disappointed that you are not a doctor, engineer, or lawyer.
Water bed/air mattress
You still listen to Britney Spears and watch Austin Powers over the weekend. You peaked at the age of 16 and refuse to believe you’re getting older. “I’m young on the inside!” is your excuse for wearing denim-on-denim.
You love daydreams and like to imagine yourself as a Disney princess. When you drop one of the 25 soft toys lining the bed you apologise to it and feel bad. Your bibik humours this and washes them regularly.
Let us know if you are changing beds and if our predictions were accurate on our Facebook page!
Anne is an advocate of sustainable living and the circular economy, and has managed to mum-nag the team into using reusable containers to tapau food. She is also a proud parent of 4 cats and 1 rabbit.